I am often asked about interrupting clients, whether to do it and how. This is a complex issue that does not lend itself to easy answers. Personal style (yours and the client’s,) cultural differences, the setting, and even your mood will affect this process. Here are some general guidelines to think about.
Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left over by those who hustle.
Abraham Lincoln
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
The Dalai Lama
When not to interrupt:
- Client is exploring reasons to make changes or otherwise moving forward with a plan for change. As long as you hear progress, let it happen.
- Client is expressing strong feelings and seems to need to be heard. You may make some empathetic noises and reflect, but don’t change the topic (Tip #5).
When to interrupt:
- The client is wandering off topic. Part of your role is to gently direct the client toward his stated goals. You can stop him to check if you are addressing what will move him in this direction.
- You have heard some change talk and you want to summarize it so both you and the client hear it and stay focused. Especially if you are beginning to hear more reasons to not change, you might interrupt to summarize the change talk you heard and ask a key question (Tip #60) to get back on track.
- There is limited time left and you know you will not be able to cover everything. You stop to point out the time and ask the client to prioritize how to spend the remaining time.
How to interrupt:
- With respect: Perhaps start with the client’s name. You could use single words or sounds, such as “Oh” or “Hmm.”
- With an apology: Especially if you become aware that your style is very different from the client’s, stop to apologize and acknowledge that your style may be a bit hard for the client. Offer to do your best to shift.
- With an offer: Beginning with “I have a thought” or “I’ve got an idea here” is a way to briefly interrupt while asking permission to go on. Wait for permission to provide your idea or advice.
Interrupting is an interactive element that varies greatly among cultures and individuals. When we have an accustomed style that is different from our client’s, it can be jarring to her and/or to us.
Notice your style now:
We are all on a scale from chronic interrupter to always silently waiting for our chance to speak. Some of us may shift our style depending on the setting. For example, I tend to be on the interrupter end of the scale. I have gotten this feedback from the demonstrations I do in trainings and from my training videos. Part of the reason for this is that in a demonstration I want to provide many examples of MI language. With my clients, I am somewhat less active. I have also learned to hold back with clients who I know can talk themselves into changes with only a bit of input from me.
Do you tend to interrupt often? Take a moment to notice: What is the energy behind your interrupting? If it has to do with covering a certain amount of information, take a step back and figure out, perhaps with the client’s help, what you can and cannot do today (Tips #4 and #33). If your reason for interrupting is to argue with the client’s irrational beliefs, this is a handy cue to roll with resistance (Tips #83, and #103).
Do you never interrupt at all and wait for the client to stop and look to you? This may at times leave you frustrated that your clients don’t seem to let you talk or that you never seem to cover what you think will be useful. Consider practicing the respectful ways to interrupt above. Remind yourself that one of your roles is to provide some direction, though not complete control, for the session.
To get feedback on your style and the effect it has, keep an eye on your client’s responses. Perhaps even ask for input such as: “We’ve been working together for a while and I’d like some feedback. Some people like me to jump in a lot with ideas and some prefer using me more as a sounding board. How are we doing here? Do you need me to be more or less active?”
When a client interrupts you:
This is important to notice. There are several possible reasons:
- This could be the client’s interactive style, perhaps grounded in culture and family. For example, in some large families, children get used to talking over others to ever get a word in at all. In this case, you can adjust your style a bit. It may improve the flow of the session to more clearly ask for permission to offer information or suggestions and then clearly signal when you are done and ready for a response. Some clients may be able to take in a lot before responding. Others will need you to provide very small bits of information at a time. In this situation, you are essentially taking on a referee role. Take care not to be too heavy-handed. Keep an eye on the client’s responses and body language.
- For some clients, enthusiasm seems to be the reason for the client’s interruption. You could affirm the client’s energy and commitment to the process, such as “You are really into these ideas” or “You are committed to making these changes.”
- If you sense anxiety in the interruptions, it can be useful to empathize for a moment, “You’re worried about all this.” You may need to do more asking permission to move forward.
- A more serious reason for clients interrupting you is discord in your engagement. Perhaps you don’t understand or didn’t hear right. The client may not be ready for what you are saying or has an argument. In all these situations, ignoring this interrupting and talking over it will be counterproductive. Stop to roll with it and regain engagement (Tips #103 and #130).